three rats - assembly line style. one had an enormous tumor, one just looked very sick, and one had a small tumor that would grow quickly into something unmanagable.
a 12 year old cat. i don't know why. no history was given, nothing apparently wrong. i questioned myself and the situation heavily.
74 Comments:
Other than straight up not performing the action, what other 'options' do you have ..?
I guess, more specifically, have you ever been in a position where you've talked someone out of killing their animal ..?
Thank you for making this record. I came across your URL out of context, and the content is sort of a relief. In fact, it seems somehow meaningful to me, but I can't figure out why.
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Thanks for giving a glimpse of a person who has to go through this. To know you think about them first, it makes the decision easier for those of us who have to.
You are an angel. I am weeping as I read your kind words. My 13 year old Lab mix has been gone for almost a year. I was with her when she went and it was peaceful and I was comforted as I am now by you. Thank you.
Why no pictures?
You do important work, maintaining this blog.
This is the most amazing list I have ever seen. The stories of families in relation to their pets are so touching. They remind me of pets I have lost. My friends and I discussed your blog and we found our selves discussing euthanasia. It seems we do not question putting an animal out of its misery but a human is kept hanging on….
You do an amazing job and I have a lot of respect for you.
thank you all you do, letting the animals go with someone who cares around them
this is strangely moving. this would go far right now among hip nonfiction writers...
Thanks for this. I hope you keep this journal. It helps to read, for some reason. It's nice finding a jewel like this among all the other garbage on the net.
agreeing with others, this blog is strange in it's palpability. Maybe it is so powerful because it reminds us of our own humanity.
thank you
Simple, yet incredibly moving. You've brought me to tears. Thank you for writing this.
Thank you, reading this makes what we do a little easier. Its a relief to read about someone, a stranger, who cares.
Thank you.
--Another who gives last treats.
As others have said, thank you for keeping this blog and record.
No matter how many call this "uneeded" or "morbid", it shows to many people that there is a heart behind the person who has to pick up that syringe. Oftentimes, I think we forget that it is a real person that must perform the task, and many assume they must be heartless.
The entries had me in tears from the first post I read, but in a sense, in a good way. Your writing shows to the world that these beings matter in your eyes as much as they did to their owners.
Thank you for helping our companions peacefully along the way when the time comes.
"It's the hardest part about keeping pets. We bring them into our lives and love them, they rely on and love us in turn beyond what we can imagine. And when the time comes, we have to be willing to let them go. It's the price we pay for years of companionship, and memories we can always look back to." - P. MacKenzie
Don't know how you do it. Iknow that I couldn't. I only hope that when my faithful old Duke reaches his time, I can find some body with your compassion and kind nature to help him through it. Don't doubt what your doing. Your not doing it for fun or kicks. Respect to you.
It's always the most compassionate people who get the job to euthanase.
Thank you
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This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
I have volunteered at a city animal shelter for five years. So many dogs come in torn up from fights, neglected, sick, it is so much better to put them out of their misery. There are so many dogs that are beyond repair. I used to think it would upset me that they were euthanized, but actually it is a relief. Above the entrance to the shelter there is a quote from Gandhi about how you can tell about a nation by the way they treat their animals.
now i'm sad that i didn't give my dear old cat some yummy canned food before we euthanized her. my house-call vet tried to be compassionate, but she was much more removed than you sound to be. wish you'd have been the one to help me and my baby through that difficult passage.
regarding cat being put down with no apparent reason:
jesus. when we put my cat of 17 years down,
it was like the frigging Death of
Socrates. whole family there. weeping, gnashing of teeth. the full catastrophe. the vet herself was on the verge, i think.
I really admire the amount of time and care you give to each animal, day after day, in what would be a terribly difficult job for most people.
An executioner with a heart; above compassion, who documents what most do not want to know or witness.
I can't imagine doing your job, surrounded by grief and pain.
Is this your way of releasing your grief, after releasing so many others of theirs?
Strong, very strong. Thanks for sharing this.
pics?
What you do is so good and kind of you and, I imagine, very hard for you.
Last summer our 11 year old muttley,Jordan, very suddenly became critically ill. In three days time she went from being basically healthy to total kidney and liver shutdown.
We were all with her when she was gently led out of our world. It was horrible for us. And the most loving thing we could do for her.
While euthanasia should never be done for the sake of convenience, it is a wonderful option for unmendable animals.
Again, thank you for what you do. Your website is such a loving tribute to all those who have gone.
annbb
Please don't post pictures like others have asked. It will remove you from the situation (by placing a camera between you) and it will attract goremongers and compulsive weepers. Thank you for making this public, what you do.
I feel a little more human, I feel alive, and most of all I feel really humble. I couldn't do your job I would be a mental mess.
Please keep up the stories, most animals aren't lucky enough to be remembered this way, but please no pictures that would be too much.
I had to give my 17-year-old cat palliative care (subcutaneous fluids, for acute kidney failure) until my folks came back from vacation. We had a chance to say goodbye to her, and then we brought her in to have her put down. It was such a relief for everyone, cat included methinks.
I think it's sick that you killed all these anumals and come on the internet to brag about it
This journal is beautiful and it's important. Thank you.
Thanks for keeping this record.
Incredibly Moving.
i want to give you support and thanks, but I don't know the right words. you aren't doing this for me, after all.
but thank you -- this journal is amazing, tragic, terrifying, meaningful.
Touching.
thank you for being a voice for those who have none and for sharing your thoughts... i find all your entries to be moving, touching, and compassionate
To the people who want pictures:
I hope that the request is one of pure stupidity and not one of sick fascination. It is ridiculously inappropriate time to take snapshots. These situations are hard enough for the owner, the pet and the veterinarian. Have some respect.
To the writer of this blog- its an interesting idea, writing all this down. I hope it brings you some peace. I'm a vet too, and I know how it can weigh on you. I don't know if I personally would want to record it, but if it helps you and helps people understand this aspect of our job, then more power to you.
Thank you. This is not an easy read but it's important. And thank you for no pictures. Your words are enough.
I love it. It's moved me to tears. Thank you
What a lovely, sad site. If your blog prompts one person to not euthanize a healthy or readily-treatable animal, I'd be delighted. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you for simply being the way you are.
Hopefully you grow out of the need to keep this blog. You perform a much-needed service in a humane way and should feel no guilt at all whatsoever. Please don't let it mess with your head.
I read your entire blog. This post, with the twelve year old cat with no apparent problems, made me cry. It sickens me to think of all the animals who are sentenced to die because they are no longer convenient to their owners.
I've worked with animal rescue groups for the past twelve years, and I've had to make the decision to euthanize my 14-year-old cat with kidney failure. To this day I wonder if I had made the right decision.
Followed the link from BoingBoing...I hope you keep this up, each short entry in the log is like a tiny encapsulated life which will allow each of these creatures to live on in an amazing way in the hearts of minds of those who read about them.
When it's Auryn's time, I hope she can be put down by someone as thoughtful and caring as yourself.
Beautiful, sorrowful work.
I was a Veterinary Technician myself once. I've helped euthanize many pets and some wild animals too. Some were terminally ill or injured, others' people couldn't afford to treat them, and a few were actually just unwanted.
There was a man who wouldn't get his cat neutered, but he'd bring the kittens in to be euthanized, until the Humane society was notified. A family with a handicapped child kept buying her puppies who she'd mishandle until they bit her - they'd euthanize it because it was a "biter". I have many painful memories of last walks and last meals, final struggles and glazing eyes.
You have my sympathy and my respect for your strong and compassionate heart.
I had to put my 9 year old tabby down a few years back since his organs were failing....i stood with him as he died, and the vet understood. I've always appreciated his silent kindness. Years before that, we had to put our ratties to sleep, and they understood our tears for those tiny sweet creatures.
It matters, how you treat those of us who mourn the creatures who fill our lives.
So thank you. Alleviating suffering for even a few creatures is something worth chronicling.
I'm so glad you're doing this. The fate of the 12-year-old cat is so sad. But how lovely that you are the one to be there for them. We just lost a very dear cat and thankfully, the vet was as compassionate as you. We are devastated by our loss.
I, too, am a vet tech, and my husband forwarded this to me. In my almost 10 years in the field, only once have I excused myself from a euthanasia on grounds that I didn't agree with it. Many times I have been the one with the syringe. I am always sad but overwhelmingly very grateful to be able to help end pain in the most compassionate and loving way possible. It is also wonderful to be able to reassure owners and help them not second-guess their decision, ease lingering feelings of guilt or regret, and be a true listener who has been in their shoes before with my own pets. Be at peace.
Found you via Neil Gaiman's syndicated feed.
I had a friend who went to school to be a vet tech. By the end of the 1st year, she had to drop out. It was mentally draining on her. There was a lot of crying. I don't think I could have done it either. I can respect people who are in this field, because I know it has to be hard.
This blog is riveting and moving. Thank you so much. It really is soothing, knowing there is someone who cares enough about these poor animals that they would make some kind of record to remember them by, if not by name, then at least by the special case that brough them to your caring hands.
I have been moved to tears with this blog. thank you so much.
Hello, your blog was brought to my attention today and I have read through most of it. I am a veterinarian in Canada and am wondering about something.
In Canada a veterinary technician is only allowed to perform euthanasia in the presence of a veterinarian. Usually this is not done with an owner present and only when the owner opts to leave before the euthanasia is performed. I am curious as to what is most commonly done where you practice.
Performing a euthanasia is a very difficult part of our job and I am impressed with your efforts to convey the emotions that it brings to the workplace.
It seems an odd time to come across this blog. My dog of eleven years died yesterday morning. She'd been diagnosed earlier in the week with stomach and lung cancer.
She passed away in her sleep, in the car on the way to the vet's to be put down.
Thank you for this. Thank you for putting a face behind the syringe, and for realizing that every animal deserves to be remembered.
a 12 year old cat. i don't know why. no history was given, nothing apparently wrong. i questioned myself and the situation heavily.
Anyone familiar with the legality of this? Are pet owners really permitted to bring their animals to a veterinarian and say "I'd like to have this killed, please" without cause or reason?
I found your blog via a link on Neil Gaiman's blog. You moved me to tears. Thank you for this record. I'll be back. I made a plug for your blog today on my own.
I want to commend your compassion with the poor animals you have to deal with.
I am a pet owner in the UK and I have a 16 year old border collie who is not long for this world. It is nice to know that people like you will make his final moments the best they can be
thank you
I found you through Neil Gaiman's blog.
I've had to have two dearly beloved furry family members put down in the past couple years.
Murphy was a 3 year old yellow Lab/Aussie Shepherd mix who suddenly developed a shockingly aggressive course of epilepsy. He fought so hard and his vets tried everything. He died in the emergency vet clinic, away from his own doctors. The vet held his head and stroked him and told him what a handsome boy he was as she helped him cross over from status epilepticus to peace eternal.
Schiller was a 20 year old Siamese and who-the-hell-knows-what mix. I had hand raised him from the age of 15 days. He was spoiled and stubborn and the first pet my eldest ever had. They were so close. In the last year of his life, he developed intestinal lymphoma. He fought it for 5 months. I think he decided there were people he needed to say goodbye to. He stopped eating and refused to walk the day before a dear friend was due to go back to England. He was finished, he had bid farewell. The three vets who cared for him over his lifetime were all there to send him Home to Bast. They cried as hard as I did.
Thank you for what you do. Our critters are often too stubborn to leave this Earth of their own accord, they need people like you to help them rest.
Thank you for being so compassionate.
As a child, I had many animals that had to be put down, from mice to horses. Each one was sad and tragic in it's own way, and each one had a different goodbye. As an adult, I have had to put down two cats...one went insane after a series of diabetic seizures and was in a state of constant terror, one had tumors and a lot of pain. I feel guilty that I couldn't stay for the procedure. But I told him it would be okay, he wouldn't have to be scared ever again, and I told her that all the pain would go away. It was the hardest thing I have ever done. And yet, I wouldn't trade having them, not for anything.
When you take on the responsibility of having a pet, it is, since they are not able to reason on the level we are, a lifetime commitment to do everything you can for them. It hurts when you realize that doesn't mean the same as "you can do everything for them". I can't make the pain stop. I can't make the fear go away. I can't make things better. When you realize that living in pain or sickness isn't living, it's torture.
Thank you, and others like you, for giving those we cherished the dignity and respect in their final hours that they deserve.
Neil Gaiman sent me.
A few weeks ago a veterinary assistant adopted our 11 year old Norfolk Terrier rather than letting her be put down. The dog was treated for bladder stones and is doing well, the vet says she should have 5 more good years. We split the cost of the operation with the new owner. It was a better solution.
I found your blog via Boing Boing. Thank you for sharing. I worked as a volunteer at the Humane Society during high school and amid the daily tasks I witnessed many sick or injured animals euthanized. (Note: these were animals who were brought in for care, not animals who were up for adoption... we were a "no-kill" facility.)
The vet was responsible for performing the injection, but I cared for the animals as they went and stayed with them until they died. It was a profound experience and not one I can say I'm GLAD to have had, but one that definitely influenced me.
My cat Rupert is sitting on my lap right now and I can't imagine parting with him, but when I do, I'm glad to know that he will go painlessly.
By the way, I recommend disabling anonymous comments by switching to the "OpenID" comment function in blogger. The number of idiotic comments you get will decrease substantially when cowards no longer have their anonymity to hide behind.
A friend emailed me a link to this page. I congratulate you on keeping this log. These animals deserve to be remembered.
Being a vet tech in an specialist facility, I have to perform numerous euthanasia's. I have been doing this for 8 years, and it never gets any easier. Nursing the animals so intensely, and then losing them is devastating, even when they are not your own.
Over the last 6 months, so many of my long term patients have died that I have started questioning whether or not to keep on with this job. Its just about killing me.
You know, the veterinary industry has the second highest suicide rate of any profession, second only to human medicine.
At every euthanasia, I make sure that the animal is being cuddled and told what a good dog/cat/etc.. they are while the injection is being given.
I think owners appreciate it when they see the vet and tech so obviously upset over the loss of their pets.
I have 5 cats, all rescues who were supposed to be euthanased, and one beautiful dog. They are my life.
Thank you for your very moving blog -found you through Neil Gaiman's. Your compassion shines through and I believe you're doing something very valuable in recording these deaths, for yourself and for the animals -and for the visitors of your blog.
I got here from BoingBoing as well...
Thanks for being a compassionate human. Your log moved me, and I am still feeling emotional from reading about your kindness and caring to these animals. I noticed that you almost quit blogging this back on October, but I'm so glad you didn't stop.
I wish there were more people like you in the world, and I don't even really know you beyond what I've read here today.
Again,
thanks.
Thank you for your compassion and unblinking acceptance of reality. I am grateful that you can be there for these beings at the end of their lives.
I followed the link from Neil Gaiman's Blog..
Last summer, my cat had to be euthanized. :( It was so out of the blue. She was only 7 years old, but suddenly lost a lot of weight and we took her in immediately. The vet said she had advanced renal failure and had been sick for awhile, but all her symptoms were masked until it was too late.
The vet tech was amazing. She kept reassuring us there was nothing we could have done or no way we could have noticed. She let us watch the entire time. She let us hold and pet my cat for a good hour in the waiting room, saying goodbye and cuddling her. It so hard because other than being really skinny, I couldn't even tell my cat was sick. She was so happy and purring the entire time. The vet tech kept assuring us she was really really sick.
When the time came, the vet tech wrapped my cat in a towel (she said that sometimes they lose control of their muscles and didn't want us to see if she had an accident) and let me pet and stroke my cat on the table as she injected her and my cat died.
It was a really tough time and I am crying just thinking of it. That cat was the best cat you could ever imagine. She cuddled me whenever she wanted, was always happy and content and greeted me at the door whenever I walked in. And I am so so so thankful for that vet tech. She did everything to make it situation okay. She gave FurB the respect she deserved.. and let us grieve properly. I am so glad that I could be with FurB for her last moments and say goodbye. That means the world to me.
Thank you.
I followed the link from Neil Gaiman's Blog..
Last summer, my cat had to be euthanized. :( It was so out of the blue. She was only 7 years old, but suddenly lost a lot of weight and we took her in immediately. The vet said she had advanced renal failure and had been sick for awhile, but all her symptoms were masked until it was too late.
The vet tech was amazing. She kept reassuring us there was nothing we could have done or no way we could have noticed. She let us watch the entire time. She let us hold and pet my cat for a good hour in the waiting room, saying goodbye and cuddling her. It so hard because other than being really skinny, I couldn't even tell my cat was sick. She was so happy and purring the entire time. The vet tech kept assuring us she was really really sick.
When the time came, the vet tech wrapped my cat in a towel (she said that sometimes they lose control of their muscles and didn't want us to see if she had an accident) and let me pet and stroke my cat on the table as she injected her and my cat died.
It was a really tough time and I am crying just thinking of it. That cat was the best cat you could ever imagine. She cuddled me whenever she wanted, was always happy and content and greeted me at the door whenever I walked in. And I am so so so thankful for that vet tech. She did everything to make it situation okay. She gave FurB the respect she deserved.. and let us grieve properly. I am so glad that I could be with FurB for her last moments and say goodbye. That means the world to me.
Thank you.
The Heaven of Animals
(James Dickey)
Here they are. The soft eyes open.
If they have lived in a wood
It is a wood.
If they have lived on plains it is grass rolling
Under their feet forever.
Having no souls, they have come,
Anyway, beyond their knowing.
Their instincts wholly bloom
And they rise.
The soft eyes open.
To match them, the landscape flowers,
Outdoing, desperately
Outdoing what is required:
The richest wood,
The deepest field.
For some of these, it could not be the place
It is, without blood.
These hunt, as they have done,
But with claws and teeth grown perfect,
More deadly than they can believe.
They stalk more silently,
And crouch on the limbs of trees,
And their descent
Upon the bright backs of their prey
May take years
In a sovereign floating of joy.
And those that are hunted
Know this as their life,
Their reward: to walk
Under such trees in full knowledge
Of what is in glory above them,
And to feel no fear,
But acceptance, compliance.
Fulfilling themselves without pain
At the cycle's center,
They tremble, they walk
Under the tree,
They fall, they are torn,
They rise, they walk again.
The Heaven of Animals
(James Dickey)
Here they are. The soft eyes open.
If they have lived in a wood
It is a wood.
If they have lived on plains it is grass rolling
Under their feet forever.
Having no souls, they have come,
Anyway, beyond their knowing.
Their instincts wholly bloom
And they rise.
The soft eyes open.
To match them, the landscape flowers,
Outdoing, desperately
Outdoing what is required:
The richest wood,
The deepest field.
For some of these, it could not be the place
It is, without blood.
These hunt, as they have done,
But with claws and teeth grown perfect,
More deadly than they can believe.
They stalk more silently,
And crouch on the limbs of trees,
And their descent
Upon the bright backs of their prey
May take years
In a sovereign floating of joy.
And those that are hunted
Know this as their life,
Their reward: to walk
Under such trees in full knowledge
Of what is in glory above them,
And to feel no fear,
But acceptance, compliance.
Fulfilling themselves without pain
At the cycle's center,
They tremble, they walk
Under the tree,
They fall, they are torn,
They rise, they walk again.
My pet shih-tzu Measha had to be put down a number of years ago (she had a tumor in her stomach that burst). The vet was incredible and cried along with me as she died. Afterward, they sent me a card with Measha's paw print done in ink. I still have it.
It must be heartwrenching to do things like this every day. Your compassion is a gift to people like us everywhere, who truly love and respect the animals we're blessed with. Thank you so much.
An oddly disturbing, yet comforting blog. As a pet owner there is this dark, end-of-life, corner I shy away from that you illuminate. One day, I will have to send my 13 year collie on her last journey. I'm hoping she will spare me the heartache by dying in her sleep. If not, I hope to find a vet who makes house calls and can euthanize her at home as she hates going to the vet.
Too bad the 12-yr-old cat euthanised for no discernible reason couldn't have been offered to the man whose shelter cat-of-short-acquaintance was euthanised the day before.
Please -- no photos. The words alone are poetic in their starkness.
Thank you.
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This blog really hits home for me, as I will find out Tuesday if I have to have my pet boa Kaa put down (he has an abscess that has proven thus far to be resistant to antibiotics). I've had him for 15 years, since he was born. In 2005 (Mother's Day, ironically), I was there to send on my Rottweiler Ty who had inoperable cancer. It helps somehow, knowing that for the vet it isn't merely a matter of course. I know I will remember your brief, yet poignant daily entries. May they help me - and others - when it comes time to say goodbye.
Keeping this journal must not be easy. To me it is a loving memory of the lives you have helped.
Thank you.
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