tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-136241692024-03-07T18:25:31.490-08:00whatikilledtodaywhatikilledtodayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11801484090649932316noreply@blogger.comBlogger134125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13624169.post-44629574248405924862014-01-05T10:29:00.000-08:002014-01-07T06:42:26.186-08:00Two nights ago a friend asked that I be with her in the hospital while a doctor administered lethal volumes of morphine, ativan, and dilaudid to her mother. She had had a major stroke after battling cancer and there was pretty much no chance of recovery. While no one called it euthanasia or assisted suicide, that is of course what it was. I stood with the family around her bed and they all recited the Lord's prayer. It was a very familiar feeling but I realized that though I have witnessed hundreds of animals passing and seen every possible reaction, I had never seen a human die. Her color changed (something you don't witness with animals because of the fur) first then her breathing slowed. And slowed. And slowed. Then stopped. It was very peaceful and very humbling and I was honored to be asked to be there with them.<br />
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I arrived home at 1 am and because I had dropped everything I was working on the moment I got the phone call, the kitchen was in a state of disarray. I had been in the middle of chopping cabbage to make sauerkraut and there were leaves and carrot pieces and ginger scraps everywhere. I finished up and used cleaning the kitchen as a meditation to quiet my brain. I carried the compost out into the yard and was greeted by a brilliantly clear and crisp winter sky. I stared at the infinity of the stars and said to myself "There's one more star in the sky tonight. You're out there somewhere, Jeanne." An instant later a shooting star shot across the eastern sky and all I could say was "yep."whatikilledtodayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11801484090649932316noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13624169.post-12681341584520111092012-09-03T13:36:00.000-07:002012-09-03T13:39:51.256-07:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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This is the second time I've had to post something like this. We put our own dog to sleep today. She was diagnosed with lymphoma over a year ago and managed to put up an amazing fight. Over the past week she suddenly declined very quickly and yesterday we decided it was time.<br />
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She was an amazing dog, everyone who met her loved her. She touched so many people who thereby touched us in unimaginable ways. At one point several years ago she became very ill and friends from the internet, many of whom we'd never even met, all chipped in to cover the multiple thousands of dollars in vet bills.<br />
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We adopted her as an adult. She had spent the first few years of her life as an over used breeder in a puppy mill. Her body was broken but her spirit was not. Her trust of humans was amazing considering all she had gone through.<br />
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Rest in peace, sweet Poppy. Thank you for the time you gave to us.
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whatikilledtodayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11801484090649932316noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13624169.post-70219047638461239892012-08-25T19:25:00.002-07:002012-08-25T19:25:40.519-07:00Today a doctor told me to put a bunch of stinky, appealing food in a bowl and bring it to a dog in one of the exam rooms. Then he said, "while you're at it, go into the break room and grab some of the bagels and cream cheese, cookies, and beef jerky and see if the dog wants it." I said "the cookies have big chunks of chocolate in them." to which he replied, "I'm not worried about that, we're about to euthanize the dog."
I filled the bowl with a cheddar cheese bagel with cream cheese, a chocolate chip cookie, two cans of cat food, and crumbled beef jerky over the top.
The dog was skeptical, having never been allowed to have human food, but eventually scarfed it up. He was an old lab with a spinal injury who couldn't walk anymore. The owner was so emotional I feared for her safety driving home so I offered her a ride but she assured us she would be okay and just sat in the parking lot for a long time.
I have great respect for this particular doctor.whatikilledtodayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11801484090649932316noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13624169.post-81801360302175017382012-08-10T21:56:00.003-07:002012-08-10T21:56:28.457-07:00An ancient cat who had been a patient of ours for a long time. I felt like I knew him well. Everyone gasped but no one was surprised when the appointment was scheduled.whatikilledtodayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11801484090649932316noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13624169.post-83143145929029979412012-08-10T05:09:00.002-07:002012-08-10T05:09:42.708-07:00There have been a lot. Here and there. I haven't had the energy to write. I'm sorry, creatures. A beagle, a golden retriever, a blind and deaf poodle mix thing... Many over the past several months.
Yesterday, however, there were four in a row.
<li> A young cat with lung cancer.
<li> An old pug with bad eyes and legs that didn't work and seizures.
<li> An Australian terrier also with bad eyes and an inability to walk.
<li> A miniature schnauzer who was blind, deaf, and incontinent.
They were all necessary. They all ended suffering. It was just so many at once.whatikilledtodayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11801484090649932316noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13624169.post-24008767759420096082012-04-27T08:36:00.001-07:002012-04-27T08:36:49.437-07:00<li> A mastiff mix with lymphoma
<li> An akita/rottweiler mix that was overly aggressive.whatikilledtodayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11801484090649932316noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13624169.post-19010626969667294242012-04-24T23:02:00.003-07:002012-04-24T23:02:47.927-07:00An 18 year old diabetic cat who probably also had pancreatic cancer. Last week he came in and I had to set an IV catheter. While it is common for cats fight you during this procedure, his was actually difficult to set because he wouldn't stop purring and kneading my hand as I held his paw. His owners were elderly and didn't want to be with him when he passed. It felt awkward to turn my back on them as I carried the cat out of the room.whatikilledtodayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11801484090649932316noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13624169.post-62083829697306558242012-04-08T06:25:00.002-07:002012-04-08T06:29:08.171-07:00A cat who had become aggressive at home and bitten its owner's elderly father. They wanted it euthanized but because it was a bite situation and was not up to date on its rabies vaccine we had to hold it in quarantine for a time. Sadly, the cat seemed perfectly nice the entire time she was boarded with us. I had avoided interacting with her as much as possible, knowing it would break my heart if I got to know her. When I pulled her out to be euthanized she was purring the entire time, right up until she passed. I don't know how people who work in shelters cope emotionally.whatikilledtodayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11801484090649932316noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13624169.post-61844135230490386712012-03-29T09:25:00.003-07:002012-03-29T09:27:58.582-07:00<li>An 18 year old poodle.<br /><li>A shepherd with mammary cancer that had spread to its lungs. It was a very emotional situation - the dog sitting in the cab of the truck with the owner, ethereal harp music playing very loudly on the car stereo, and the owner discussing that the dog was a reincarnation of a Celtic goddess of protection. He said he had beat cancer himself and that the dog had transferred it to her body.whatikilledtodayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11801484090649932316noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13624169.post-63648948799318813272012-02-21T08:06:00.004-08:002012-02-21T08:10:50.765-08:00<li>A West Highland Terrier with terminal cancer.<br /><li>A parakeet came in for a beak trim and died in my hands during the process. I had heard of this happening for years but never experienced it. It was not healthy to begin with - was extremely skinny and turned out to be eggbound also. The owners were actually less upset than I thought they would be but at that moment I was very grateful to be the tech and not the doctor who had to break the news to them.<br /><li>A five year old miniature dachshund that had jumped off the couch and broken its back. It was obese and most likely would not have been injured had it been in normal shape.whatikilledtodayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11801484090649932316noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13624169.post-28979966048693415042012-02-15T23:35:00.000-08:002012-02-15T23:36:19.894-08:00A five year old Bengal cat that was very aggressive and kept attacking the other pets in the house as well as the owner.whatikilledtodayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11801484090649932316noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13624169.post-88475612178628867422012-02-13T20:51:00.001-08:002012-02-14T07:06:46.356-08:00<li>An 8 year old yellow lab. I met the owner in the parking lot. He didn't want to be present for the euthanasia. I stood next to his huge, expensive looking truck not knowing what to expect. We had brought a gurney out expecting her to be unable to walk. He opened the back door and she hopped out happily, wagging her tail. He handed me the leash, saying he didn't want it back. He was crying, obviously upset. I quickly brought her inside and as soon as the door was shut I'm pretty sure I exclaimed something sacrilegious out loud. The dog was skin and bones and had huge bald patches all over her body. She looked like one of the worst case street dogs I saw while working at an animal shelter in India. Her toenails were so long they were almost curled under and there was a huge purple lump over her eye, probably an abscess but maybe a tumor. I looked at her chart. She hadn't been to the clinic in over two years. I weighed her. 50 pounds. Her previous weight was 80 pounds. This dog had lost 40% of its body weight and much of its hair and the owner hadn't brought it in to see what was wrong. Maybe it had cancer. Maybe it was something more simple than that. We'll never know. What got me the most, however, was how absolutely sweet this dog was. I sat on the floor and she rested her chin on my shoulder then gave me big wet kisses all over my face. I asked a co-worker to bring me treats and she accepted that excitedly. Then she crawled into my lap and held her chin up against mine. I was holding off her vein for someone else who did the injection so I was able to stroke her head and whisper to her as she passed. She was an amazing dog who deserved so much more. At least the owner got one thing right - the dog's name was Angel.<br /><br /><b>Juxtaposition</b><br /><br /><li>An Amazon parrot with a viral wasting disease that is very contagious to all other psittacine birds. The owner is one of my favorite clients. She's the type that will take in any homeless animal and will do whatever it takes to give it the best care possible. She spends thousands of dollars a year on animals, some of which are just transients passing through her care. This particular parrot was not at all friendly, and in fact was quite aggressive yet the owner was sobbing so mournfully at his demise. She said "I'm never getting another pet again! I just can't go through this each time." It was all I could do to not laugh and say "I don't believe that for a *second*. You'll probably find a stray on the way home and schedule an ultrasound for it next week." <br /><br />I try very hard not to judge people. Everyone has a story and a side that I cannot see. But sometimes it's very difficult.<br /><br />I leave you with some words, The Buddha's Words on Kindness (Metta Sutta)<br /><br /> This is what should be done<br /> By one who is skilled in goodness,<br /> And who knows the path of peace:<br /> Let them be able and upright,<br /> Straightforward and gentle in speech.<br /> Humble and not conceited,<br /> Contented and easily satisfied.<br /> Unburdened with duties and frugal in their ways.<br /> Peaceful and calm, and wise and skillful,<br /> Not proud and demanding in nature.<br /> Let them not do the slightest thing<br /> That the wise would later reprove.<br /> Wishing: In gladness and in saftey,<br /> May all beings be at ease.<br /> Whatever living beings there may be;<br /> Whether they are weak or strong, omitting none,<br /> The great or the mighty, medium, short or small,<br /> The seen and the unseen,<br /> Those living near and far away,<br /> Those born and to-be-born,<br /> May all beings be at ease!<br /><br /> Let none deceive another,<br /> Or despise any being in any state.<br /> Let none through anger or ill-will<br /> Wish harm upon another.<br /> Even as a mother protects with her life<br /> Her child, her only child,<br /> So with a boundless heart<br /> Should one cherish all living beings:<br /> Radiating kindness over the entire world<br /> Spreading upwards to the skies,<br /> And downwards to the depths;<br /> Outwards and unbounded,<br /> Freed from hatred and ill-will.<br /> Whether standing or walking, seated or lying down<br /> Free from drowsiness,<br /> One should sustain this recollection.<br /> This is said to be the sublime abiding.<br /> By not holding to fixed views,<br /> The pure-hearted one, having clarity of vision,<br /> Being freed from all sense desires,<br /> Is not born again into this world.whatikilledtodayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11801484090649932316noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13624169.post-45727255440554153212012-01-02T19:42:00.001-08:002012-01-02T19:49:45.500-08:00A spunky 12 week old kitten that had come in for some vaccines. We did a routine feline leukemia test and it came back positive. The doctor recommended euthanasia which the owner agreed sadly. Because the kitten had been so feisty during the initial blood draw for the test, the doctor told me to do an IC, or inter-cardiac, injection for the euthanasia because hitting a vein long enough to get the full dose of the solution in would have been very challenging. I stared and said, "with her awake?! Won't that hurt?!" I have only ever done IC injections on anesthetized or nearly dead already animals. He rolled his eyes and said "fine, you can sedate her first" so I gave an intra-muscular injection and she fell asleep peacefully, then I did the IC injection.<br /><br />Afterwards I asked what kind of internment the client wanted. The options are for them to take it home and bury it themselves, general cremation with no ashes returned, or private cremation with ashes returned. The first, of course, costs nothing but the latter two do have a fee, with the ashes returned option being pretty steep. She couldn't afford either cremation option and lived in an apartment with no where to bury the kitten. The doctor told me to just double bag it and put it in the dumpster. I said okay, then put the kitten in a box and snuck out to my car to bring her home. I'll bury her in our orchard in the morning.whatikilledtodayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11801484090649932316noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13624169.post-61308212018317439352011-12-23T08:31:00.001-08:002011-12-23T08:31:58.638-08:00<li> a cat with a brain tumor<br /><li> a chicken with merrick's disease<br /><li> a canary with a broken legwhatikilledtodayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11801484090649932316noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13624169.post-57734029220592686862011-11-05T18:55:00.000-07:002011-11-05T19:02:34.608-07:00A big husky that had bit the owner's daughter. Apparently it had a history of aggression and that was the last straw. He seemed like a nice dog when he came in, though we asked the owner to muzzle him anyway. For some reason he didn't respond fully to the whopper dose of the solution given so he was basically just anesthetized but still breathing. The doctor had to go get a second dose. I stayed in the room with the client who started second guessing his decision out loud. Luckily the second dose worked.<br /><br /><br />It was a sad coincidence that a co-worker had to put her own dog down in the morning for a similar reason. He was a rescue who had always been slightly aggressive towards other dogs, though never towards her in the several years she'd had him. He bit her while she was breaking up a fight between him and her other dog. It wasn't just an accidental nip though, as he bit her three times and started shaking her arm. She needed 11 stitches and decided he just wasn't safe or trustworthy any longer.whatikilledtodayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11801484090649932316noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13624169.post-21534520504492304392011-10-26T21:14:00.000-07:002011-10-26T21:15:51.432-07:00A 19 year old lab mix. The elderly owners had very rural accents and said "she was the best darn dog we ever had" through their tears.whatikilledtodayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11801484090649932316noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13624169.post-44428263525175856162011-09-12T22:34:00.000-07:002011-09-12T22:35:14.080-07:00An old golden retriever who was in chronic pain. It was the first house call I'd ever gone on and was less traumatic than expected.whatikilledtodayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11801484090649932316noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13624169.post-90979657493848575882011-08-25T21:40:00.000-07:002011-09-06T21:46:17.075-07:00A tiny toy poodle. He had been in the hospital for a couple days due to anemia caused by a flea infestation so severe the fleas were literally crawling out of his eye sockets and other orifices. His red blood cell count was 12% (normal is ~37-55%). We got rid of the fleas and stabilized him and sent him home but he had a stroke the next day and lost the use of his hind legs. <br /><br />The whole thing was especially frustrating because it could have so easily been prevented with the application flea medicine.whatikilledtodayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11801484090649932316noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13624169.post-84540700750184201102011-08-19T18:34:00.000-07:002011-08-21T18:35:36.598-07:00A guinea pig who was trying to die on its own. The girl said it was fine the night before and when she woke up it was not moving.whatikilledtodayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11801484090649932316noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13624169.post-86805085274570333702011-08-01T23:31:00.000-07:002011-08-01T23:36:08.154-07:00An 8 year old Lhasa Apso that seemed perfectly healthy. I asked the doctor why it was being euthanized and he said he didn't know. He seemed totally unphased by having someone come in and say they want to euthanize their pet. He's been practicing longer than I've been alive (and I'm not particularly young). I hope to never reach that point. It was still bothering me later so I went back and read the patient's history. Nothing was really listed except the adoption papers from the animal shelter were in there. It had been returned to the shelter several times. I'm guessing it had an insurmountable behavioral issue going on.whatikilledtodayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11801484090649932316noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13624169.post-64228186693506376732011-07-18T19:52:00.000-07:002011-07-18T19:53:50.815-07:00<li>An ancient Himalayan cat.<br /><li>A miniature dachshund with a mammary tumor larger than her head.whatikilledtodayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11801484090649932316noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13624169.post-62438018412707758652011-07-15T22:52:00.000-07:002011-07-15T22:56:41.827-07:00For some reason it had been a long time since I'd been involved with any euthanasias at work. It was just how the timing worked out. Today, however, there were five or six and I was involved with three of them.<br /><li>A seven year old ferret. I don't know what, if anything, was wrong with him despite his age. He was anesthetized on a table when I walked over and did an inter-cardiac injection. I'd been a long time since I'd done one but it was a clean stick and he went quickly.<br /><li>An old beagle. Again, I don't know what was wrong with him. I didn't ask. A teenage boy and his mother were with him.<br /><li>A cat who had gotten her teeth cleaned yesterday. She was still woozy from the anesthesia when the owners took her home and when they let her out of the carrier she jumped off the bed and broke her back.whatikilledtodayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11801484090649932316noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13624169.post-49634585488726983582011-05-27T23:31:00.000-07:002011-05-27T23:33:22.614-07:00<li> A semi-feral cat with FIV.<br /><li> A shar pei with horrible mange, no fur, a wasting disease, and a cancerous growth in its mouth.whatikilledtodayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11801484090649932316noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13624169.post-3915159576052038342011-04-25T20:02:00.000-07:002011-04-25T20:11:47.996-07:00Two two week old manx kittens (litter mates) who both had spina bifada. Both were paralyzed and could not use their hind legs. Because their veins are so tiny the injection had to be given intraperitoneally (into the abdomen) which takes longer for the drugs to work though is equally painless. As I was waiting for it to pass, I let one of the kittens nurse on my finger tip, hoping it would give it a sense of calm or well being. A co-worker walked by asked why my finger was in its mouth. I told her my reasoning and she shook her head at me. I'm not sure if she disapproved of my actions or just thought I was too invested in the creature I had only met minutes before.whatikilledtodayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11801484090649932316noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13624169.post-64981496928783357692011-03-23T21:31:00.001-07:002011-03-23T21:31:20.533-07:00A baby guinea pig with two clubbed feet.whatikilledtodayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11801484090649932316noreply@blogger.com3